Happy National Donut Day

That's right, there's a national donut day! I was so shocked and thrilled to hear this, that I gave my oatmeal to the dog and now I'm off to get a doughnut! But first, to commemorate this glorious day, the donut club will share a little history on the birth of the doughnut:

Back in the 1800s, there was a royal court chef who made pizza for the queen. The queen loved pizza. In fact, it was her favorite meal and most frequent request! All day everyday this queen ate pizza like it was going out of style. Cheese pizza, pepperoni pizza, pizza with salami, pineapple pizza, maple bacon pizza, pizza with sprinkles, heart shaped pizza, any kind, you name it. With all this pizza making, there was an excess of dough in the royal kitchen.

Well, one day, the page boy came into the kitchen to bring the queen her morning pizza, but it wasn't ready. "Oh no..." He thought, "I'm going to be executed." The page boy looked around and saw a big vat of lard boiling on the stove. "Hmmmm..." He thought. He grabbed a wad of dough, flattened it out, and dropped it into the vat. The dough quickly rose and turned into a golden brown color. He tried to lift the flattened dough out, but it broke into little balls. "Help!" Cried the little page boy. The royal chef looked over and grabbed a big wooden spatula."Little page boy, what are you doing?! This lard is for the queen's skin!" "But...But..." His lip quivered. The royal chef handed a wooden spoon to the page boy and one by one they lifted the little balls of dough from the vat. The chef waited a minute, looked at them, then popped a little dough ball into his mouth. "Dannnng, this shit is hot!" He licked his fingers. "Who taught you this?" The chef asked. "I... I was worried I'd be sent to the guillotine for the queen's pizza not being ready, siah," said the page boy. "Oh, sorry about that." The page boy gave a nervous smile. "Well, lets get crackin!" The chef whisked together powdered sugar and water to create a light glaze (which we use now for the glazed doughnut), and poured it over the pizza. He gently threw a few sprinkles on top, placed it on a silver platter and handed it to the page boy. "Siah, ah you shure?" "No, little page boy, but if the queen doesn't like it, we'll just blame you." The little page boy blinked. "Go on now, give it a try."

The page boy slowly turned away and walked up to the queen's chamber. "Who goes there?" She announced. "Tis... Tis I the little page boy your highness." He stuttered. "Little page boy, what's taken you so long? You know what I do to people who keep me from my pizza?" "Ye.... Yes your highness." He cowered. The little page boy lifted the silver platter and bowed to present the pizza. "Wha? What is this?" Asked the queen. "It's a new pizza." "A new pizza? Little page boy, I'll send you to the guillotine for some shit like this. I asked for pepperoni!" "Yes, yes your highness, but I thought that since you eat pepperoni all the time, you'd like to try somethin new." "Well, you thought wrong, off with his head!" The royal guards grabbed the little page boy by the arms and dragged him down the aisle. The queen rolled her eyes and grabbed a little dough ball from the platter. She popped it into her mouth. "Mmmm..." She chewed. "Wow." She licked her fingers and grabbed another little dough ball. "Damn, that's good." The royal chamber doors opened. "Stop!" She yelled. "Bring him back!" The guards brought the little page boy back to the queen. "Little page boy, you've outdone yourself. I'm so pleased with your innovation that I'm promoting you to the lead chef. Fire that other asshole. And isn't your family poor?" She asked. "I'm an orphan." He said. "Well, I'm adopting you." The page boy smiled. The queen and the page boy hugged. "But, I don't think we should call this pizza," she said. "Let's call it a doughnut."

And there you have it, the first doughnut.

I made this story up, but if you want to know the real history of the doughnut, you can look it up on wikipedia or some shit like that.

Oh, and the page boy and the queen lived happily ever after. 

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Val Douroux
Reporting for the Donut Club